I begin to think about what’s coming at the end of these 3 weeks. I begin to think about how my life will be without seeing you daily, talking to you daily, and just knowing that you’re mine. Will you eventually forget about me? I can’t imagine how my life is going to be without you having such a significant part in it. You’ve grown to be a part of me, so what will I do without half of me? Through these past months, I’ve been going through a lot with my life and you’ve always been there to cheer me up, and I thank you for that. You’re my best friend when I need you to be and my boyfriend when the time is right. When I think of the future, I see you in it. The fact that reality is different than my imagination, absolutely kills me.
Maybe our relationship just happened at the wrong time. I KNOW that if we had met sometime in the future when no one had to leave, nothing had to change, we’d be together for so much longer. Time is limited and in this case, it’s evil. We’re only parting ways because that’s where our lives have led us. I can’t stand being away from you for a week, so how will I survive being away from you for forever? Who knows if we’ll even stay in touch. Who knows if you’ll even want to. Who knows if you’ll forget all about me and what we had and move on in a blink of an eye. Who knows if I’ll ever get to see you again. Or see you smile and laugh and make that cute baby face you do when you’re trying to make me smile.
Just know that I won’t. I’ll never forget you and it’ll probably take me forever to get over you. You are by far the best boyfriend I’ve had. You know exactly what to say, you know how to make me feel special. I know people have said horrible things about you and made you feel like you’re less than you are, but they don’t know you like I do. They can go to hell. You’re such a wonderful person and because of that I know you’ll find someone greater than me. Someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. I know this sounds selfish ( and unrealistic ) but I don’t want anyone else to have you.
I tried so hard not to think about this because I hate thinking about it and I know that if I do, it’ll make these last 3 weeks even harder than they already are. I have to leave you, my friends, and my family. I might as well cry now and get it over with so I don’t have to cry my eyes out when I actually leave. It doesn’t make sense, but I think the reason why I (unconsciously) push you away is because I’m afraid now. I’m afraid to let you go and I don’t know how to deal with it. The things I say, I never mean. I just don’t know how to pull through all of this. After I leave my home, everything is new. The people, surroundings, values, etc. I wish you were there to experience that with me.
But babe, overall what I’m trying to say is that I wish you the best in your future. I know you’ll become a fireman, you just have to set an alarm to wake up :P I know you’ll go far with your friendships and relationships. This is hard for me and it’s probably hard for you too, but I promise to be happy these last 3 weeks and make it count.
I love you so much and I’m going to miss you so so so much. I don’t think you’ll ever understand just how much.
Friends may think they know what’s best for you and maybe they’re right. But one thing’s forsure, they don’t know the feelings you guys have for each other and even if they did, their opinion would be different from yours because they’re not in love with the person you’re in love with. Do what’s right for you. Don’t let other people keep you from keeping someone who makes you happy.